the Bitch in the house

Over the Thanksgiving holiday my husband and I were intellectually sparing (as we are apt to do) and we began discussing family and friends. The family that we are born with and the family we choose to create with our friends and dearest relatives. We ended up enjoying the holiday with near and dear, while toasting the friends who were far aflung and missing out on BigShot’s unbelievably yummy feast. Since the weekend I’ve been contemplating the goodness in caliber of the people with whom I get to spend my time. And I’ve been feeling really blessed.

Remember that ole girl scout song about making new friends, but keeping the old? The internet connectivity has been a real boone to limiting my isolation. This is a good and bad thing. I needed to hide for a bit, I still feel like I need to get my head cranked on straight after all that I’ve been through. And lots of people have come out of the woodwork (that is a funny euphemism I had to translate for my kids!); some are people I am so pleased and overjoyed to be in contact with again! I mention this because there are some people I could easily live without. I have been doing well without the superficiality or negativity of people who didn’t have my best interests at heart (or their own for that matter).

I am so privileged to call “friend” to some beautiful – from deep on the inside through to the outside, intelligent, sassy, sweet, and loving people. The ePrince and I would not have made it all these years without the best of you answering tearful calls when I needed to hear a love on the phone. And I might not have made it through my younger days had I not been given and felt real and genuine affection. My cup hath sometimes runneth over when I was too sick to know or too self-absorbed to care and I love and am still loved by some truly amazing people. I think the people that I keep company with now are pretty true and outstanding.

My childness came from a place where I didn’t know crazy when I saw it, so I often let crazy walk right in the door and set for a spell. Even into adulthood, long after I had established good boundaries and discipline. I still wasn’t always too strict with crazy and I let it haunt me down and cozy up. I thought I could maintain control of crazy because after every single analysis and head shrinking that justice has meeked out for our family, I still come out good and clean. But I wasn’t doing anyone any favors, in fact I was courting trouble in my tolerance for nuttiness. Quirky, artistic, and temperamental are all qualities that I think I can safely tolerate, but crazy-ass self-absorbed delusional is right out! And just like an alcoholic, I need to step away from the crazy…. and do not walk -I should run- to the nearest exit.

So making new friends is a good idea as long as the relationship is not silver-plating and keeping the old is also okay so as long as it wasn’t a fool’s gold ransom in the first place; and then maybe, just maybe, that ole saying won’t be so treacherous after all.