the Bitch in the house

I am not one to get all enthralled and cooey at the cutey things kids say. In fact, my humor is more of the bloody mean streak variety, so I generally think smarmy crap kids do is pretty boring. In my ‘mother’ role as opposed to my mamakats personality, I have a smiley veneer of polite when people show me baby pictures of kids I’ll never meet or gale me with tales of childhood innocence that I believe are generally naive at best. I got kids, I take care of kids, I’m around kids all the time. They ain’t cute. They smell, they share germs, they are self-absorbed little soul-suckers that we (as adults) are commissioned to bring kicking and screaming into adulthood for the sake of community or society or some such geneticdriven nonsense. So when the kindergarten teacher plays for me a message of her favorite grandnieces singing jingle bells off-key into her voice mail, I am not overcome with motherly emotion.

Yet every once in a while the kids come up with some little gem that makes me want to hang out with ’em some more. Today’s liitle nugget from the throws of kindergarten candycottage making was this:

1st boy: cough…clearing throat
2nd boy: you must have a hairball
1st boy: huh?
me to 2nd boy: you must have a cat at home to know about hair balls
2nd boy: no that’s what you say when you have a ball
1st boy: yeah I have balls
a girl: that’s ‘coz you’re a boy, boys have hairy balls.

or

I AM NOT LYING! I didn’t have to edit for funny value either… This was a verbatum conversation in class today and I had to leave the room, I was laughing so hard I really did almost pee my pants!