the Bitch in the house

Just when you thought you could make some sort of sense out of the New World Order, the world seems to be crumbling at the seams.  And while I watched in awe as the ruling party of Egypt fell, the uprisings in Yemen, Bahrain sparking somewhat pro-democratic movements in Iran and a surprising Jasmine Revolution in China… my own world order has come undone.

And I recognize that it is bourgeoisie of me to complain about our present circumstances because at this moment it looks like we’ll continue to be able to pay our mortgage and carry on to a certain degree with our lives.  And even if we can’t, then at least we have education and some job skills to avoid financial catastrophe; and that puts us a great advantage over a lot of other people we know.

But over the last few weeks while I’ve been studiously contemplating my fellowship project, watching the local pathetic state news, anxiously awaiting updates on the hubby’s job prospects, seeing inspiring changes happening all over the world and considering what life will be like with a newer, different-er world order – And I’ve become overwhelmed.

It’s too much, too sudden, too jarring.

Not so long ago I wanted to rally and voice my support.  I wanted to organize and activize the masses. I loved getting swept up in the passion of the people.

Maybe it’s the global warming that has brought more cloudy days than usual to this dusty hot city, making me want to enjoy the snuggly comfort of home rather than trudge out in the weather.  It could be fear of stepping out against the overwhelming number of hate-mongers in my community who keep calling my house, wanting my support!  Could it be that I am just getting too old to chase causes and risk arrest – okay, even as I type that it feels farcical…

Yet, right now I want nothing more than to hide out for a bit and get comfortable in this reality.

And that doesn’t seem right, somehow.