the Bitch in the house

16 years ago today, I became a bitchin’ mama.  I wasn’t really prepared for the hard realities of motherhood.  I did not know what kind of strength it would take from me to bring my mancub, the ePrince into this world.  Little did I know when he made his first gasping cry, the nights we would spend up late into the night crying together for want of sleep during his early wheezy and colicky days.  How much I loved his beautiful baby giggle and lamented terribly the loss of his buddha belly as he grew up and now past me in stature.

No one told me how fiercely I would fight for him, how every single day would be a struggle on his behalf to make his world better, to give him opportunities, to help him break out of that autistic-shell and to let me touch his skin, love his guts, see his mind.  There are really no words for how much my beautiful brown baby, my smart ePrince, is my heart.

Sixteen years ago today I fell in love for the very first time.  I wailed out of fear and pain, i fought death, I was so sure he wasn’t mine, I was wowed by the awesomeness of his little needy self.  I still have never forgotten that feeling, the privilege of being a mama to the ePrince.  I carry the wanting of this baby with me everyday when I get to hang out with him in the coffee shop while he trashtalks his frustrations, while he reveals his plans, while he schemes his dreams.

I am the lucky one.  I get to love the ePrince for who he is.   I can watch him stretch his world, nurture his horizons, shine his future.  I can see my heart in his heart.