the Bitch in the house

Did I mention before that I am from the red state that brought the world a McPailin tix?  DId I mention that?  I think I might’ve.  Have I also mentioned before that I am not enamored or at all enthused about living in the armpit o hell in which I currently reside?  While the majority of the country was whoopin it up last night and celebrating the electionofalifetimewin, crying tears of joy during Obama’s victory speech, I was right down the road from the fabulous resort of republicanlosers.  Most of my neighbors voted red while I have been trying to avoid topics of politics or electioning with any of them.  Since moving here, I’ve done a lot of ‘hmm’s’ and ‘do you really think that?’ instead of advocating for my beliefs.  Hallow’s eve was a tough nite: not enough trixters or treatsers and too much time on our hands so that I was forced to check a neighbor’s racism at the door when she began spewing some kinda scary diatribe about hell and handbaskets and losing our guns with that man if he makes it to the oval office…  On Saturday, my ‘think’ tee caused a terrible rucus at the neighborhood grocery where some jackass thought it was somehow related to the Obama campaign… the brawl nearly broke out when I informed him that I have owned the camisetta for quite sometime – since W. was elected!  Yesterday when the lilEinstein came home from school freaked out that McCain needed to win because his school librarian had listed (to the kindergarten class) all of her awful reasons for why she believes that Obama is comin after the white women…  I was truly frightened.  And today, the day after the election, a few of the likemindedmommies at lilEinstein’s school were very quiety elated, by that I mean whispering their joy.  I was surprised when one of them had the nerve to ask why my Opride was lacking, when I mentioned her missing O and the fact that, though I might be excited and hopeful, I am not suicidal, or into  taunting the large conservative population in the community.  I pointed out that she doesn’t have a rainbow flag on her car and I don’t shout from the rooftops that I defend abortion rights.  A signifier of my worries is that there is not one Obama sign in the whole city today, they’ve been torn down… maybe out of respect for McCain, who is licking his wounds at home, or maybe because the loudmouth bitch in the bar tonight feels safe to yell out that she hates homosexuals without fear of reprisals – because there will be none here –  even from the queer at her table who accidentally outed himself in shock while she grilled him for lurid details of his sexuality, then patronizing and belittling the other gays she claims to know.  This red state is that kind of place.

I’m awed and fascinated by Obama – I think I’ve mentioned that before too – he’s smart and savvy in an organizer/organized way.  I’d like to think I could have a diligent and profound conversation with him, which is also awfully nice to feel about a leader.  However, I am more than unnerved at even mentioning such niceties in my community.  Lest anyone forget, this is the same place that served as the proving grounds for the ideals of Timothy McVie and developed the terrifying inspiredanticts of the 9/11 crew.  While I think it was generous of Obama’s team to politely not mention such factoids during the election cycle, especially when slurs against terrorists were being unfurled at republican rallies in that man‘s direction; I did not forget.

I did not forget because I come from a family, a small community, where my grandmother was never allowed to reveal that she was black.  Where my uppityeducatedcuriousways got me beat down, rather than buoyed.  Where the flag of the south was flown in my youth, not out of cheeky nostalgia, but as a real call to likemindedbigotry.  I’d like to say that I found some solace and support to help me survive, but like my own birth, it was my sheer mean will that got me out (dragging the Twinergy along the canal with me).  Mr. BigShot cannot seem to figure out why I have not relied on my activist roots to get me outta this perspective.  It does seem alarming to the people who know me best.  To understand, one must consider the concentric patterns of identity formation.  When I was young, it was just me.  If I died in my misguided attempts to live, then that was all she wrote; done.  Now, there are my children, the BigShot career (that brought us to this demonpit), and there is more than myself or my own stubborn volition to carry on.   My experiences at the tradeschoolforlaw cleared up any notion that I might find a measure of safety in this place.  And while I was in my hometown, that sense of security was always an illusion that I willfully engaged in.  But living is no safer for me there, than it is here.

Watching the election percentages falter in this red state gives me hope for real change, but sucking on my finger and sticking it up in the air to feel which way the wind is blowing, makes me nervous as hell.  Please do not let Obama lunch with McRedStateSenator on his hometurf in order to mend political fences. I am hoping that Biden’s words of testing the Obama presidency don’t originate from inside these ‘united states.’  Yet, realistically, this hothousecity has few 6th floor library depository windows, but a lot of pissed off hatemongers with guns.

UPDATE:  I saw the first “patriots revolt” sign up outside lilEinstein’s school on Nov. 6, 2008.